https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/05/10/ask-amy-my-husband-gets-me-back-for-my-mistakes-and-then-says-i-deserve-it/ > Dear Amy: Sometimes when my husband and I fight, it’s because I’ve been clumsy and done or said something impolite. > He responds in kind, and then insists on an apology, which I give. But when I ask him to apologize for his unkind reaction to my behavior, he says, “You started it, so I don’t need to apologize.”